The First Birthday Milestone
Dylan, you will be turning one very soon. My tiny quiet baby has grown into a loud, robust and wriggly almost-toddler. Nearly every parenting cliché ever voiced has come true this year. It has certainly been the steepest learning curve I have ever undertaken. The days were sometimes long, but the year was short. Children really do grow up so fast.
What You Have Taught Mummy – 1
Most self-help books I have read have had great concepts to improve my life but I have always found it difficult to picture their practical application. For instance they declare that you should always try new experiences and live life to the fullest. They say don’t ever give up on your goals or let failure overpower you. You need to knock obstacles out of the way and focus on what you want. Clearly define what you don’t want and eliminate it from your life. Until now, this all seemed kind of trite to me.
Dylan, you like discovering new things and you don’t give up the first time when something doesn’t work. You try and try and try and try again. You fall down and get back up. You focus on what you want and go for it. You overcome obstacles (like other toys, furniture and Daddy) to get what you want (usually my mobile phone if it has been left anywhere accessible). You don’t ask permission. And you clearly show us what you dislike (broccoli, having your face wiped) and don’t want to do (taking naps). Thanks to you, Dylan, I have come to the realisation that to get more out of life we should all be a bit more like you, curious, bold and fearless.
What You Have Taught Mummy – 2
When I first when to ‘Mums and Bubs’ yoga, at the end of the class the yoga teacher asked us to look at our wee babies and say to them “thank you for being my teacher”. And I have to admit, I thought this was all a bit ‘woo-woo’. But perhaps there is something to this.
When I go to get you out of your cot in the morning you give me the biggest grin and jump up and down ferociously. Every day you wake up excited and happy to be part of this world. We share a laugh constantly, often about the silliest little things. The other day you were cracking up because I was swiping at one of your toys and moving it across the floor of the lounge. It kept you amused for a good ten minutes, chuckling away. You often laugh for absolutely no reason at all. You don’t care what you wear or if there is a mess or if you have food on your face.
So now I understand what my yoga teacher and all those meditation gurus have been trying to tell us over the years. Laugh loud and often. Live in the present moment and be happy and grateful for the simple things in life that you have now. Thank you Dylan for being my teacher.
My Big Secret
I kept hearing about this enormous blast of love that mummies got the instant they held their newborn child for the first time. One of my friends said she forgot the pain of labour as soon as her little girl was in her arms. I was looking forward to that (the love part that is – the reduced pain part being an added bonus).
And it just didn’t happen. I felt many things when you were born – relieved for having a straightforward labour, proud of myself, grateful for having a healthy baby and awestruck by how tiny and perfect you were. But there was no overpowering feeling of falling in love.
I didn’t really mention it to anyone, just hoped that everyone assumed that I had instantly connected with you, my beautiful baby boy. But day-by-day I was wishing and hoping that a ferocious crackling love would suddenly hit me. I knew deep down that it is something that cannot be forced, an organic emotion that cannot be willed into existence. But I kept thinking there must be something I could do to bring it on.
All of a sudden you are nearly one year old and I realise although I was hoping for this fresh surge of love, I failed to appreciate that I have slowly developed a simmering kind of love that has been bubbling in the background all this time. Every day it keeps rising a little more towards boiling point. It is now a magnificent love, enormous and powerful.
I am not saying it is a better way of loving than an instant kick-start. But I am excited and happy to know that it doesn’t really matter, that I love you and it is endless and wonderful.
I have learnt so much from becoming your Mummy in the last year. You remind me every day of what is really important in this life. I look forward to loving you and learning from you for many, many, many years to come. Happy birthday Dylan.
Love, your mummy, Julie